Myers-Briggs

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

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So, I don't really put much stock in these things, but I feel that this result is reasonably accurate. Want to read more about INFJ? Of course you don't, but if you do, click here. The only thing I'll say about my results are that the INFJ personality is extremely rare--not that that means anything, but I'd like to think I am an unusual, special person. It's a nice illusion to wake up to in the morning.

The end?

I am so proud that I am not devastated.

I fully expected to be, you know. I imagined the end of the world. But I guess sometime in my life I grew up. I don't depend on them for happiness anymore (and I'm not sure I ever did).

It's not really the end, of course. I'm kind of excited for what's to come.

Thanks for the music and the memories. I look forward to the future.

I think too much

I'm re-thinking my original idea for my death story. I was going to have the narrator (the dead girl) interact with a living person, but I was never comfortable with that. It felt too juvenile, too cliché. I don't want to write a cliché, I want to write something real.

I think it's going to be strictly about the girl--or maybe boy. I'm not sure about the sex yet. I think down-trodden, abused girl is overused, but I don't know if I can write a boy convincingly. I mean, I know that boys and girls are not really so different, but come on, there have to be some differences that I can't possibly imagine.

Anyway, I'm thinking about altering the perspective, first person for the death scenes and third person for the "live" scenes.

Before I begin writing anything, though, I have to write out the plot. Trouble is, I have no idea how to do it.

I know my basic idea: troubled kid, tries to survive, fails, kills self, is dead. But what makes her (or him, let's not forget) troubled? Abuse? Something at school? And does she really kill herself, or does something happen?

I don't want this to be a memoir. I don't want this to be angsty, self-pitying shit. I want this to be real. I want it to mean something.

Swine Flu Song

Swine flu is all we talk about nowadays, so here is a flu post! The flu is big on my mind recently, because my school might be closed soon. There are no cases in our county, but there are 50+ confirmed the next county over. I'm really hoping they don't close my school--I need to graduate, and I don't want summer school.

And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!

No viruses, I promise, just a link to a rather curious piece of music. Stephan Zielinski (of San Francisco, my favorite city) used an algorithm to create a piece of music based on the virus' genetic sequence. Cool, huh? It's curiously soothing for a possible pandemic. You can listen to the song here, or read the CNN article here.

Trust yourself.

(I love this picture, even though I didn't take it.)


Don't you wish you could have this kind of freedom? The confidence to trust yourself, to take the leap and trust that you won't fall. I wish I was brave enough.

Change

I'm waiting for someone to change my life
I'm too afraid to change myself
Help me, change me
Are you up to the challenge?

Spring cleaning

I'm exhausted--but not done. I haven't cleaned my room in... 9 months, maybe? I'm not sure, but it was a shithole. It's not completely clean yet, but it's about 500% better. I can see most of the floor now.

You know what this is?
It's my footprint in my semi-clean carpet. Proof of my efforts. Aah, the satisfaction of a semi-clean floor.

I've been taking supplements (mood-boosting and Vitamin D), and I think they're helping. I haven't had the energy to clean like this in 9 months because of the depression, and that I'm able to do something like clean is a really good sign.

I'm feelin' damn accomplished!